Thursday, July 28, 2011

Where did it go?


What happened to my fearlessness?

Thinking back to when I was a teenager, I practically had no fear. I moved out of my house when I was 16, I started taking college courses when I was 17. I worked part time, when to high school full time, and went to college part time. People told me I couldn't do it, and all I wanted to do was defy them. and I did. and I wasn't afraid that I was going to fail. I knew somehow that I just would.

I feel so afraid of everything now. afraid to put my work, put myself, out there. afraid that maybe I will fail. afraid that maybe everything that I want is just a joke. afraid to make connections, afraid to get involved. I want to stay inside, not come out of my home.

I'm not sure where I lost that nerve I had when I was a teenager. Maybe someone needs to tell me that I can't do it. Maybe someone needs to say that I am never going to succeed. Maybe that's what I need right now.

Someone I can prove wrong.

11 comments:

Alexis E. said...

Just do it! Who cares if you aren't successful or if it doesn't yield the results you wanted. At least you'll have the experience of actually doing it, rather than just talking about it. Remember what Picasso said "Action is the foundational key to all success."

Alex said...

I think you might be onto something! When I quit my job (salaried position, on track to becoming creative director), my boss told me I wouldn't make it as a freelance designer. That was almost 9 years ago and his comment just made me work harder, take more chances, trying to prove to him and to myself that I CAN do it!

So here you go: you can't do it!

Now go prove me wrong :)

tangled sky studio said...

It's funny how that happens. when we need to be most fearless we begin to second guess ourselves. your work is amazing, your talent immense and your path clear...you just need to continue walking forward on it. one step at a time and some steps will be small and some will be gig but in the end they will add up to a life well lived : ) whether it ends up being a small part or the main part of your life it's important to do what you love.

ching said...

There's a quote of Nelson Mandella, "It always seems impossible until it's done."

So just don't be afraid of it, face it and get over it. :)

Michele Maule said...

Thank you all for such wonderful responses. It's wonderful to have a platform where I can write about worries, and fears, and get this level of encouragement back.

and I will prove you wrong Alex! ;)

xo Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Heather Kirtland said...

I know exactly how you feel! I am the one, or my fears I guess that stand in my own way. I wish I could recapture that feeling of fearlessness.

Cherry Runway said...

I feel the same way lady. I was just thinking about this the other night. Only i WASNT a fearless teenager, i was a FEARLESS little girl. Until i turned 11, then it all went away, and i'm been struggling with it since.


I like what Alex wrote. :) :)

I love your work Michele, i always have, and i love how much you and your work have grown! It's amazing!

Keep up the good? bad? work!!

Michele Maule said...

Thank you Jenipher! I hope we're both able to find it together. :)

donna said...

Fear is such a pain. We must need it for a protective device or something. I am afraid of EVERYTHING. But, I am brave (or stupid) and that helps. (Of course, there is no bravery involved if you are not afraid, right?) hehe

A while back I wanted to become a sales director and win a car from Mary Kay, and after talking about it for a couple of years, my ex said "I doubt you will ever be able to do it, but why don't you just shut-up and light a fire under your ass!". Oh, how that makes me crazy, even still. I packed my stuff into the trunk of the first car I won, and moved out.

gretchenmist . . . {belinda} said...

there's something about being young and un-jaded! from what i see, what you put out is fantastic and i can't see any of it failing.
maybe you could prove the inner doubts completely wrong {am going to try it too!!}
:)

Erika Swartzkopf said...

YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY DO IT!!!! (there ya go, now get to it ;)