Thursday, July 28, 2011
Where did it go?
What happened to my fearlessness?
Thinking back to when I was a teenager, I practically had no fear. I moved out of my house when I was 16, I started taking college courses when I was 17. I worked part time, when to high school full time, and went to college part time. People told me I couldn't do it, and all I wanted to do was defy them. and I did. and I wasn't afraid that I was going to fail. I knew somehow that I just would.
I feel so afraid of everything now. afraid to put my work, put myself, out there. afraid that maybe I will fail. afraid that maybe everything that I want is just a joke. afraid to make connections, afraid to get involved. I want to stay inside, not come out of my home.
I'm not sure where I lost that nerve I had when I was a teenager. Maybe someone needs to tell me that I can't do it. Maybe someone needs to say that I am never going to succeed. Maybe that's what I need right now.
Someone I can prove wrong.